I don't want to go to school...

I hate school. I have no friends. School's boring. I don't want to go to school today....

Heard this before?

So have I.

And so have mothers living in every country in the world. But somehow when you're living cross-culturally and sending your children to a school that - in the back of your mind - you ARE wondering about, this can become a crisis.

Jonty was a bit negative going off to school this morning. He thought it might be better if he perhaps stayed at home - he had a stye in his eye, and thought he might be feverish, and besides, he loves being with me SO much.

Later when I discussed it with my sister she said some days she has exactly the same thing with her little girl, and her daughter loves school, has plenty of friends, and attends a brilliant school.

So: reminder to self:

All over the world there are perfectly happy and well-adjusted children teling their moms that they don't want to go to school today. And its okay. Wel, unless we are looking for reasons to keep our kids out of school, or justification for giving up on Thai schooling...

'I don't want to go to school' means the kids are just having a bad day...tomorrow will be better!

Principles To Ponder...

At our annual OMF Thailand conference, I - together with two other moms - talked about principles that helped us cope with having our kids in Thai schools. These were mine:

TRUST - Trust God (he loves our kids more than we do) and PRAY. He is with, he guides us, he cares intimately about us and our children.

RESPECT - Remember that we are living in THAILAND, not South Africa, and things are done differently - not necessary worse, but different; remember to appreciate what is good about Thai schools and be appreciative of what they do do well. Because there IS a lot they do do well. Be respectful even when we don't agree or like what they are doing. Be respectful enough to follow their systems as much as possible, to not belittle their school by making them feel as if their system is inferior or substandard.

BE INVOLVED - (1) at the school: Integrate as much as possible at
the school - connect with the teachers and be very respectful of them (especially in front of our children), offer help, go on field trips, attend sports
days, presentations, etc; (2) in the children's overall education:
this means taking a very active part making sure the gaps are filled, doing homeschooling, taking them to extra murals, doing exercise with them, helping with homework, etc. Heh heh, lots of "etc" in this blog; (3) in the kids' progress - I talk to Jonty, Em and Nina after school DAILY and debrief - ask how they are and watch the body language - discuss their progress with the teachers weekly (or more if necessary)

PERSEVERE - there are days I want to give up, and days I cry when I send this one little blond farang boy off to big school in the sea of dark haired kids. Be confident, even when I don't feel it (never let the kids see when I'm wavering). And help the KIDS persevere too. Which leads to the final point:

ENCOURAGE AND PRAISE - let the kids know how well they are doing. Let them know what positive attributes they're developing. Focus on their strengths, encourage them in their weaknesses. Celebrate the victories: school reports, gold medals, trophies. Jonty came third in a handwriting competition and I did a scrapbook page for him - he was so delighted (and realised that he does not have to come first for me to be proud!). Some may think I over do it, but I AM proud of them. What they're doing is jolly hard - I'm not sure I could do it!!!

Selecting a School (whenyoudon'thaveacluewhatyou'redoing)

When we looked for a kindergarten, we were looking for a school that focussed on preschoolers – not just a tag onto a bigger school. We wanted small intimate classes with loads of personal attention because we realised our children need the extra personal assistance if they were to cope. That's simply due to the language issue.

Beyond that, we were looking for a pre-school which would be flexible and understanding of our unique situation and - in particular - our religious beliefs because the children are not yet old enough to understand the significance of what they might get involved in and make a stand for themselves. Although having said that Jonty certainly did make a stand even when in kindergarten.

Nick and I went to look at about 7 kindergartens before chosing the one we did, and have been happy with it. Benjamat Kindergarten has been good for the Bekker clan. All three kids have had very positive experiences there. They are as happy as little tadpoles in a stream, as piggies in mud, as mozzies on Nick's forehead. You get the picture.

For primary school our criteria changed a little. One thing stayed the same though: Jonty remains at a disadvantage language-wise (his Thai is good, but there’s lots he cannot express and instructions he cannot follow). We did not want him to be in a class of 45 PLUS children where he’d get lost. I was looking for a smaller, more intimate school where kids would get personal attention. That was quite an ask let me tell you!

I did not expect as much in terms of flexibility as I realise there is an education system in place, and I know that in my home country we do not do whatever foreigners expect us to do and make exceptions for them. My thinking here was to go with their system as much as possible. We flex to THEM.

As socialisation is still one of our key reasons for sending Jonty to school, we did not want him cooped up in a class all day long - we were looking for a school that allowed time for breaks.

And then there was the issue of convenience: I planned to pop in during the day to do homeschool lessons, it needed to be fairly close to where we live.

I asked advice from all my local friends, especially teachers. I really appreciated their advice and input (even if I did not follow it).

We looked at 4 primary schools which had been highly recommended by friends (some schools we’d already rejected as we’d seen them when investigating kindergartens). We chose a school that we thought was the best one, but I had a sense of unease about it – a number of niggles, I just had no sense of peace. Even though we had the application forms all completed, I felt it was not right. Eventually I felt that God was telling me “look at one more”… Nick and I went back to one of the original schools we'd looked at as a kindergarten (and had rejected) and I sensed this was the right one for Jonty at this time.

By the way, religion was not actually a consideration for primary school – we live in Thailand, a Buddhist country, so I expect schools to be Buddhist. Jonty knows what he believes, he asks intelligent and insightful spiritual questions, he can stand up for himself, and can express what he wants to do (or not do). However, as it turns out, the school we chose is a Catholic school and while there may be some different practises and beliefs, the fundamentals are the same i.e. Jesus Christ is our Lord and Saviour.

And that's how we selected our schools.... not to say we did not make mistakes with Jonty. Having him in 6 schools in less than 6 years is NOT ideal, but I don't think too much permanent damage was done.

Mind the Gaps

I've mentioned that our job is to fill the gaps. Thai children are being educated for success in Thai society. We want our children to thrive in Thai society, but we also need them to survive in South African society... We cannot expect the school to help us with that, and we don't.

Emily and Nina are in kindergarten - kindergartens here need to have the child reading and writing by the time they enter P. 1. This is essential as most primary school classes have over 40, even over 50, kids and if the kids cannot read and write the teacher's job becomes almost impossible. Kindergartens which do not achieve this goal lose status and may even "go out of business". Even Montessori kindergartens veer off track so that they can teach kids to read and write early on.

When the focus is "academic" like this, clearly creative work and play is NOT. This is the main gap in kindergarten: creativity, play, sports. I spend time with the girls doing creative work, role play, and free play in their afternoons.

In primary school there is more. English as a first language is a major gap as they teach it as a second language. Another big one is problem solving. Creativity, sports and exercise are far less than in our home country, we think because its too darn hot here! We fill these gaps by following the WES (Worldwide Education Services) curriculum. English is the main focus - and there is quite a bit of creativity in this course, its lovely! The maths is centered around problem solving, so while Jonty learns 5 plus 9 is 14 at school, at home he learns how to apply that in every day life.

Another issue is that we do need to give far more emotional support to our children than we would if they were at school in SA. Emotional first aid and daily debriefing is necessary. Another important consideration is Home Assignment – we need to be preparing the children NOW to cope in SA schools, and while on HA we need to be preparing them to fit back into Thai schools. This means that while in Thailand we’ll homeschool (Jonty is following the WES curriculum, he has almost finished Y1 and moving to Y2 in about September), Em and Nina will follow the same pattern. When we go on HA we will buy the Thai books for their relevant years and try – as far as possible – to keep them on track.

The Others

Up till now this blog has been about Jonty's home-schooling journey. Now I am making it about all three children, and their wider education, not just home schooling.

So here's a bit of background about my precious poppets:

Jonty is 6 and has attended Anubaan Suan Angun in Chiang Mai, been in a Thai Homeschool co-op in Chiang Mai, Thabile Nursery School in South Africa, an international school in Lampang, Benjamaat kindergarten, and is now in Arunothai school. 6 schools and he’s only 6!

Poor kid you might think. But no, he "graduated" 4th in his kindergarten class despite the disruptions and language disadvantage, and is doing very well at his new primary school. He actually enjoys school. Although his Thai was his weakest mark, he did win a gold medal in a Thai public speaking last year. His pre-school teacher advised me that his Thai was more than good enough to cope in a mainstream Thai primary school.

Nina (3) and Emily (4, almost 5) are in a small private kindergarten: Benjamaat Kindergarten. It is a separate kindergarten i.e. not attached to a primary school. Emily started there in Triam Anubaan (what I earlier referred to as Grade 0000 or something) and is now in Anubaan 2 (Grade 00).

Nina used to go to the nursery twice a week, but has now started Triam Anubaan where Emily began her Thai education. They go to school from 8h30 to 15h00 on Mon, Wed and Fri, and till 11h30 on Tues and Wed. On their half days I do some activities at home – English, free play, and creative crafts. I guess this is ‘homeschooling’, but it seems a bit extreme to me to call it that for such little children! Really, I'm just being Mom.

Jonty, Emily and Nina are all outgoing and sociable and they craved friendships with peers. We’d heard that children just “pick up” languages, but had seen no evidence of this and were concerned that if the kids did not speak Thai they would be disadvantaged socially.

So, our 2 main INITIAL reasons for sending our children to Thai school were (1) for socialisation and (2) to learn Thai.

Now that we’ve been in the system for a few years we realise that there are untold benefits – such as being more normal to our Thai friends (my life is far more similar to theirs now, they understand some my challenges and I understand more of theirs), being accepted and included in community events, and many contacts we’ve made through the parents and grandparents. It’s a very natural way to be part of society. Our children are also developing a very deep understanding of Thai culture and we’re learning from them.

We do realise though, that there ARE gaps in the Thai education system IF we want our children to cope in other western education systems at some point - which we do, seeing as we have to take Home Assignment every 4 years!

We constantly monitor what those gaps are and do our duty in filling them. We see this as our responsibility rather than a weakness in the school. Our thinking has changed in that we are doing local schooling and supplementing with homeschool, rather than homeschooling and supplementing with local school. Our children are as integrated as much as possible and compete on a fairly even footing with their peers.

Hard? Yes, but enormous blessings in this too.

Choices choices choices

We use Thai school for our children's eduction. I don’t for one moment claim that Thai schools are the best option for every missionary family in Thailand, but our family has used them and have had fairly good experience, otherwise we would not continue to use them.

This is our choice. Doesn't make it right or wrong. Makes it ours!

None of us can be sure that we are right – in fact I think we need to let go of the idea that we can be sure that we know what is right for our children in every circumstance. What’s right for one family is not right for the next. What’s right for the first child in a family may not be right for the second. What’s right for this year, may not be right for next year. What’s right for this term, may not be right for next term.

So what are the choices?

We have 4 basic options in terms of schooling our children : local day schools, international schools, boarding school, homeschooling, and then all sorts of various combinations of those. All of these are good. One option will be better for one child one time, and another option will work another time. There is NOT only one way to educate a child.

I admit that before we had kids we were not thinking of local schools (or boarding school). We always thought we’d homeschool. My view was the local schools were inferior that we’d be doing our children a disservice by sending them to local Thai schools. One of the books I read before coming out, a good book that many new missionaries read, it bluntly stated: “One option that is seldom suitable is national school.” It is “not recommended”, the “standards – even if high - don’t match the home country”, “the children will absorb the cultural values of the host country” and it makes reentry difficult. Sounded terrible. And listening to some colleagues talk about their experiences, it sounded WORSE. No, I would not subject my beloved children to that!

Then reality strikes...

For little ones boarding school is not really an option, so that leaves us with homeschooling. But for homeschooling to work, the mother must be able to teach and see this as her calling, the child must relate well to mother in a student-teacher setting, there must be playmates from one own’s culture, and the possibility of joint activities with other kids (according to the experts these kids should be from the same culture, but I would have settled for ANY kids!). While the first three criteria were present, we felt that we were sadly lacking in the last two.

And so we changed our thinking and sent our kids to Thai school. Things have changed.

The book that I quoted from was written over 15 years ago. Things have changed. We are living in a far more global world and we have incredible resources that can support us in whatever decision we make.

So, for now, Jonty is in P. 1 (sort of equivalent to Year 1, Grade 1), Emily is in Anubaan 2 at a Kindergarten which is Grade 00, and Nina is in Preparation for Anubaan which would be Grade 0000 if there were such a thing.

I don't know if we've made the right choice or the best choice, but what I do know is that God loves these children and no matter what we do, he holds them in his hands and is with them every moment of their lives. Despite us!

Term 3, Week 3

We've got a good routine going now. We do HS Monday to Friday from about 16h30 to 17h30. It gives Jonty an hour or so to relax after school and even though its "school" its also one-on-one time with me which is kind of precious when there are other kids in the house always trying to get my attention. Although certain parties ie. NINA and EMILY (not to mention names) do tend to interrupt us DESPITE the Dad in the house and strict instructions not to. Its frusrating because we can do our lessons in about 40 minutes if we are uninterrupted. But try telling that to a 3 year old (or an almost 43 year old)...

Anyway, we are staying on track very nicely with Maths and English. I am planning to do Humanities as a project during the Thai school holidays.

Sometimes I can see that Jonty is pretty tired, and I try to keep those days shorter. I still feel sorry for him - so little time to just be a boy.

Term 3

Well, term 2 is all over. Assessments all done, Jonty is doing well, and our tutor is giving amazing assistance and advice. She's a star. Like Jonty.

Now we're onto Term 3 with Maths and Science. As Thai school has started, we've had to find a new routine. Jonty gets home from school at 15h30, so I give him an hour to play and unwind, then I do about 45 minutes from 16h30 - 17h15. I manage to do an English and a Maths lesson in that time. The poor kid has supper at 17h30 then off to taekwondo at 17h50... evenings are such a rush.
B
U
T
even though I feel sorry for him, I also know that he enjoys it. He's enjoying the maths (especially the games) and enjoying the English - cos he's good at it. He asks for MORE! I am managing to stay much calmer and as a result we're both enjoying it more. When he concentrates and focusses, he's brilliant. When he does not, I want to toss him and all the school work out the window.

Anyway, its just a temporary set-up because next week we are going to discuss doing his HS during school hours - I'd go in and teach there during his English class. This will free up his afternoons and I am really hoping the school/teachers will be open to it. He's had almost month to settle and things are going well. I think the time has come.

That's it for now.